


Don't Play With Me, Cause You're Playing With Fire

by silver_elysium



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Multichapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2018-12-15 12:07:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11805690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_elysium/pseuds/silver_elysium
Summary: There is one important rule at the Cricket Club.





	1. Chapter 1

It was early on a Monday morning and he was standing in front of the Cricket Club in Toronto. He felt a little nervous, but relied on his personal charms to get him through the day.

The Cricket Club was a skating factory. Many a great skater or future star trained there, including Spain's Javier Fernandez. His biggest opponent. They'd been switching the top two podium places since they were juniors. Scott Moir and Javi were the leading men's singles skaters in the world.

Scott was incredibly talented, skating came as easy to him as breathing. Sometimes easier, especially after a vigorous jumping session. 

He had medalled at multiple world championships, including that gold in 2009, but his Olympic career had not gone so well. At his home Games in Vancouver he was down with a flu, and even though he competed against the doctors' advice, finished third. An Olympic bronze wouldn't have been such a bad achievement to almost anyone else, but to someone as gifted and over-achieving as Scott, bronze was certainly not enough. 

Feuds with coaches had taken place and he ventured away to Europe, to find a better training environment. However, after a year and a half of wandering about the continent, he was left disappointed. 

After finishing second to Javi (and by a margin) at the 2011 Grand Prix Final, Scott gathered up the pieces left of his pride and approached Brian Orser after the banquet. Brian had kindly agreed to take the fellow Canadian under his wing. 

So there he was. Standing in front of the rink under the dark Toronto skies, there for his first official day of training as part of Mr Orser's team. 

He had only just got to Toronto, after a very short Christmas holiday spent at home in the quiet town of Ilderton, Ontario. 

~

Almost two months had passed since Scott's move to Toronto, and he was getting his motivation to skate back. He was getting along with Brian and seeing his biggest competition and target there every day made him hungry for gold (still, as always in the past, he had a good relationship with Javi. They didn't have weekly sleepovers and didn't gossip about girls together eating candy, but they were mates and had no problem being in each other's company. The tension between them was healthy.)

Brian Orser, along with other coaches at the CC, taught Scott new techniques, they had built a diverse off-ice training schedule and his approach to skating was becoming more scientific, and he liked that. He was finding trying to solve all the flaws in his jumps like maths problems, instead of just going for them trying to jump as high and rotate as fast as possible, rewarding. He was getting his shit back together. 

But all this was only half of his motivation to get up at 5 O'clock and come to the rink every day. There was this cute, dark-haired pairs skater who had lit up something within him. 

His best friend, Patrick Chan - a Canadian ice dancer who also trained in Toronto, only a different rink - said it was just a crush. A dumb crush he'd get over as soon as he got properly into his new routine and surroundings.

But somehow it wasn't fading. Every time he talked to Tessa Virtue, the butterflies in his stomach multiplied and they wouldn't go away afterwards. Every time she smiled at him, a small shiver would run down his spine. Every night, lying in his bed trying to sleep he would remember the cute thing she did with her eyebrow as she was eating her yoghurt, or the happiness in her eyes as she landed her triple Salchow perfectly today.

She was gorgeous, but he really wanted that Olympic gold. He knew he needn't any distractions and he also knew that this time, at this rink, he couldn't cock up, given there weren't many other places to go. He shan't break any rules or make anybody angry. He needs to stay here.

And there was one important rule at the Cricket Club. No romantic involvement between skaters who train there.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She smiled and tears were streaming down her face. She clutched onto the jumper at his waist, and sobbed into his chest for a while while he ran his hands through her loose hair, calmingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments, criticism is very appreciated!  
> PS I named this fic after a Rolling Stones song, and two weeks later, we find out that Tessa and Scott are skating to the Stones!! (Sympathy for the Devil is my fave, too!)

"Hey." She felt a warm breath on the shell of her ear. 

"Hi." Responds Tessa. 

Scott's one arm wraps around her hip and the other hand rests on her left elbow. He's standing behind her and she's facing the bar, waiting for the next round of drinks for their party. It consists of herself, Scott, Patrick, his ice dancing partner, Sara, and Tessa's skating partner, Charlie. They had decided to blow off some steam on a Friday night after a couple of intense weeks of training. 

"Have you ordered yet?" Scott inquires. His mouth is terribly close to her skin and she can't help but feel all her muscles tense up at his words. He notices and begins rubbing slow, soothing circles into her skin. 

"Yeah, just waiting for my change."

"Good," he says as the bartender arrives with their drinks, "I figured you'd need some help getting this many glasses back to the table."

"Thanks." She beams back at Scott as they turn in the direction of where their friends are sitting.

As they arrive at the high table with bar stools around it, their friends are a bit buzzed already. The seating arrangements leave Tessa sitting next to Scott, and their stools are dangerously close. Their thighs are touching and Tessa feels like she should excuse herself to go to the lavatory, or maybe just move the chair away a bit, but her limbs become heavy and her body ignores all the signals her brain is sending. After a while (and a few more drinks) her brain stops sending these signals and removes the filter on her speech which she kept on as often as she could in order not to flirt with him. 

Later, Tessa sees out of the corner of her eye that an attractive blonde, dressed in a short skirt and a top with a deep neckline, is chatting with Scott at the bar, where he went for yet another round of booze. She is trying to see without obviously looking and what she can see is that the girl is really flirting with Scott.

Tessa's heart is racing against her will and she's trying to calm herself by saying she has no right to be so agitated about someone flirting with Scott. It's not like she even likes him like that, _right?_

When Scott returns to the table, Tessa is flushed red but everyone's so buzzed at this point that no one notices or writes it off to alcohol, at least.

"Ooh, how did it go, Scotty boy? You leaving us soon? Did you get her number?" Charlie wiggles his eyebrows at Scott. Tessa's partner had a clear view of the interaction, due to the angle he was sitting towards the bar and the alcohol has removed all his filters.

"Umm... no. I just... I'm not in that kind of mood... currently." Is Scott's incoherent answer. 

Tessa may or may not notice him glancing at her after he mumbles this. When she does look at him, she can tell this was uncomfortable for him, by his expression and colour.

She thinks to herself, this is not the time for contemplation or reflection. You're drunk, Tess.

Despite herself though, she can't help but think this is somewhat pleasant. Why didn't he take his opportunity when it was right before him? But most importantly, _why do I even care?_

 

~

 

"Okay, now try the inside three turn entry into the toeloops," orders their coach, Lee. Tessa and Charlie can't seem to find an entry into their side by side triple toeloops that works equally well for the both of them. It's a torture as one or the other keeps falling painfully on their left side and they both know, man, that's gonna leave some painful bruises that'll look like double rainbows tomorrow.

Tessa's hair is messy, baby hairs sticking in about every direction there is. Charlie's is, too. He has a lot of fluffy blonde curls, a bit like his dog which he loves so much. Charlie White is Tessa's partner - they represent Canada, even though he was born an American. They paired up four years ago and are a very naturally talented team. 

Charlie is mostly like a human sunshine - always has a smile or snack for everyone, isn't often moody or negative. A very talented skater who, in spite of his puppy dog-like spirits, had managed to fall out with the US Figure Skating. It was a tricky business unpleasant for all parties involved and there was an unspoken rule in the skating community to just not mention it (around him at least), so he found himself a Canadian partner who had just transitioned to pairs from singles.

Tessa and Charlie keep drilling their jumps an hour and a half straight, side by side, the only break they have is being yelled at, because it's hard to hear someone when you're moving across the ice 40 metres away from the source of the yelling. There just doesn't seem to be a right entry for them. Also, Worlds is not so far away that they could make major changes in their free program. Doing a new triple they haven't done before is a scary perspective and both want to avoid it if possible. 

The practice is rough and they get off the ice in poor spirits and completely exhausted, feeling with every fibre in their bodies that their heart is beating at some 200 times per minute and they must have lost about three litres of fluids each. 

Sitting in the changing room, Tessa and Charlie are alone, taking off their skates. Neither is making attempts at small talk until Charlie wipes his blades dry with his CW embroidered royal blue towel, packs up and leaves with but a quiet "Bye."

Tessa sits in the changing room for a long time, guards still on her skates, then cries while stretching. 

Some days, it just gets hard. There are these days when she feels like she can take on the world, when she feels unstoppable, like there are wings on her back. But some days, everything is grey, she feels incapable of anything and like she's letting everyone down. She's letting down her coach, her parents, her country, herself, Charlie. And today, he made sure she felt that more than ever. He made her feel like it's all her fault, like she's some big disappointment who's going to ruin herself and drag him down along with her. It just gets really tough, and tears are streaming down her face in wild currents. She doesn't know how much more she can take, she feels so overwhelmed.

 

~

 

Scott goes out to the car park in front of the Cricket Club and gets in his car. The first attempt at turning on the engine fails. He doesn't regard this as of importance and tries again. He tries until he can smell burning rubber, or maybe oil, or metal, he's not sure what's burning inside the car here, but black smoke clouds the space around the back of his car and he's sure he's not going anywhere in it tonight. He curses through gritted teeth and gets out. There's no point trying to call the service at eight O'Clock on a Friday evening so he'll have to wait until Monday anyway. _Great_ , he thinks. 

As he stands next to the boot of his black Honda Civic, still quite a lot of smoke in the air around him, he notices a girl standing some 30 feet away. It's Tessa, and she's smiling teasingly, leaning on the door of her car. She's not wearing much makeup except for some mascara and lip gloss and he vaguely thinks that the after-skating glow rather becomes her. 

She steps in his direction and asks, still smiling: "Do you need a lift?"

Scott is silent for a moment or two before a wry smile on his lips accompanies a "That would actually be really great."

"Hop in!" Tessa nods towards her car. 

Scott sits in the passenger seat hugging his bag tightly, looking ahead through the window. 

"So, your car broke down?" Tessa asks and is not sure why, because that much was obvious.

She stops in his driveway and turns off the engine. She figures that's wasteful, she's going to turn it on again immediately, and that will have wasted her petrol, but it's too late. A brief moment they sit in silence and there is something sheepish in the look on Scott's face and the way he turns his head towards her slightly and asks quickly, avoiding eye contact: "You wanna come in for a cup of tea? As a thank you for saving my ass tonight?"

"Okay." Tessa smiles.

His flat is quite spacious, nice hardwood floors and some leather couches. They walk into the kitchen and Tessa sits at the island while Scott makes some tea. Not coffee, Jeez, sleep is all they need after so much training this week and today.

He gets some chocolate biscuits and serves their tea. The light is dim, - the only sources of light being a few table lamps in the living room and a small light just above the cooker - maybe borderline but not quite romantic yet.

They sit at his dining table quietly, across from each other and he notices a crease between her eyebrows. She has very nice eyebrows, he realises. Scott shakes that thought away and asks, his expression concerned, "What's up?" 

She looks up at him and shakes her head with an instant smile: "Nothing."

Now it's his brow that's creased and he looks at her, searching her face: "You can tell me. What are you thinking about?" The concern in his eyes is so genuine that she can't lie to him. 

"Well, it's just... Charlie and I are kind of going through a tough time in training... Our communication is so off, and we can't seem to get any of our elements right. I'm just so exhausted, mentally and physically, and I don't know how much more I can take before I have a breakdown on competition day at Worlds." She sighs, her eyes trained on her mug with intensity. 

Without hesitation, Scott stands up and walks over to her. He wraps her up in a tight, yet soft and warm bear hug and presses his cheek into her hair. Tessa's surprised at first, but quickly responds and wraps her arms tight about his waist, sighing a sigh of gratitude. 

They stay like that for a while, and when they separate, Scott looks her in the eye holding her head gently between his hands. 

"Listen, Tessa, I know things get hard for us sometimes. Like, really hard. But during the time I've been training at the Cricket Club I've seen how hard you work. I have never seen a more determined person in my life. Sometimes I look at you and think 'God, I wish I was always that driven.' 

And figure skating is an absolute fucking roller coaster of emotions and I know damn well that you have to go down in order to be able to climb back up. But moments like these are so worth it. So worth it, because then when things get better you can look back at them with pride and think 'Wow, I overcame that.' I guess it teaches you good life lessons, too. 

I know this kind of thinking isn't enough to get through the way you feel during these times but at least it's some sort of reasoning behind why these things happen and helps me not to think everything is my fault because if I allowed myself to blame myself for everything that's going wrong, I'd probably never leave my bed." He smiles wryly. "This is a natural course of your skating life and I guess I find the best way to deal with it is to disconnect and recharge. But if you want to cry or scream or break something to let the emotions out, you can do that too. Just don't break the vase my mom gave me because she'd kill me without any mercy." 

Tessa smiled and tears were streaming down her face. She clutched onto the jumper at his waist, and sobbed into his chest for a while while he ran his hands through her loose hair, calmingly. 

"It just gets really hard sometimes. And sometimes I don't think I can take any more. I just want to crawl in some hole under my floors and never reemerge ever again." She says after some time. 

"Now please don't do that, I'd miss you." Scott was smiling. "Just remember that everyone goes through that and don't be too hard on yourself, because, Tessa, you are the most amazing skater I have ever seen. I mean it. You have more natural talent than everyone else in Canada put together." 

She gives him a watery smile and he tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She's calming down. 

"You have any plans for tomorrow?" He asks. She shakes her head. "Do you maybe wanna go to the cinema? You know, relax, drive your thoughts away from the rink?" 

The smile she gives him he wants to bottle up and keep on his shelf. 

They finish their tea talking about everything and nothing, things completely unrelated to figure skating. 

Scott finds out she was born and raised in Toronto, has two brothers and a sister, all older than she. She has a cat and loves ballet. She also reads a lot of books and loves Jane Austen's novels. 

Tessa hears about how he grew up in a small town near London and loves hockey. She already knew these things from his introductions to his new rinkmates when he first arrived, but he goes into more detail about his fights and laughs with his two older brothers, his dog he had to leave behind and the clean country air which was so well suited for having all sorts of fun outdoors. 

Soon (not really soon - it's been two hours, but feels like no time at all has passed to them) it's late and she has to go home. They hug goodbye and she goes back to her car. 

When the door closes, Scott feels weird. There's something bubbling inside his chest, something he can't quite place and he paces around his living room unable to stay still. He grins and grins and reminisces the conversations he had just ten minutes ago. Finally, it hits him. He feels _giddy_. 

~

Scott waits in the car park outside Tessa's building. He's somewhat chewing on his nail and he can't figure out how to stand without looking like a fool: he's tried hands on hips - no, you're not fucking Superman; casually leaning against the car with his elbow - you're not in a damn western, Scott; hands crossed over his chest - what is this, CSI?

Until he gets distracted from such thoughts by her emerging. He's gaping at her, she looks so pretty, he thinks. She really looks simple - skinny jeans, ballet flats, a top and a jacket. His eyes dart to her lips involuntarily for a moment and he can't help thinking how soft they look in that shade of pink.

They greet and he opens the door on the passenger side for her. 

"Wow, do you own two cars, in case one breaks down by the rink on a Friday evening?" She asks with a teasing smirk.

"Actually, I do, Well. obviously not. Borrowed this from a friend who's out of town and was like, super chill about this. I need to get around somehow."

This wasn't entirely true, though. The car was his friend's all right, Chiddy's actually, but he wasn't out of town and certainly not super chill about it. It took Scott a lot of begging and promising of favours and embarrassement to talk him into it. But hey, he'd rather give his guy friend a footrub, deliver pizza from another end of town, bake biscuits for him (amongst others things, Patrick just really enjoyed taking the piss out of Scott) than show up for his kinda-maybe-or-maybe-not-at-all-first-date with Tessa and ask her to drive.

So they reach the cinema and get their tickets, the popcorn and all. There's still 15 minutes until the film starts, so they're spending them at the cinema bar, drinking chocolate milk.

Scott is just finished telling Tessa a funny story full of shenanigans of his and his brothers' from back when they were teenagers, when she suddenly blurts out: "Thank you. I mean, thank you for doing this for me. This whole relaxing, forgetting thing is really working. Thank you for spending your Saturday like this with me, when there are so many better things you could be doing."

She's looking down at her drink as he lifts her chin gently towards him for eye contact. "Hey," he says, "There are no better things I could be doing. Helping a friend through a hard time is pretty high on my list of priorities. Also, I'm having a great time with you." And his smile is so sweet she thinks she's going to melt (and there's a sheepish glint too, which is endearing.)


	3. Chapter 3

They're having lunch. Patrick is having a sandwich and Scott a steak. It's their tradition, or rather something they do to multitask eating and quality time with your best bro because time for hanging out is scarce when you're a world class figure skater getting ready for the world championships.

They chat about the same stupid things they always talk about, discuss cars and their favourite TV series, evaluate the food they're having and share rink gossip (in a very man-like way, of course. It's not gossip - it's intelligence. They only share the funny stories and points of interest, not every bit of pointless drama, although that can be funny too.)

Then Chiddy starts talking about the dinner he and his girlfriend had with her family and "Hey, Scott, do you want to go out with her sister? She's totally hot and super nice."

"No, thanks, man, I'm fine. Not looking for anything at this point."

"Really?" Patrick finds it less believable than Scott would like. "Are you not looking for anything at all or are you just not looking for anything that isn't Tessa Virtue?" 

Scott frowns at his mate, "Why bring her up?"

Patrick starts laughing which makes Scott's frown deepen. "Sorry," he spits out in between giggles and once calm, takes the last bite of his sandwich. 

Scott still has a questioning look on his face which Patrick only notices upon swallowing the last of his lunch. "What?"

"Why bring her up?" repeats Scott.

Patrick looks astonished. "Are you asking _me_? Dude, don't tell me you don't notice when you do it." Scott's confused expression amuses his ice dancer friend and a little unsure, Patrick slowly says, "Do you not realise that you've been bringing her up in every conversation we've had for the last two months?"

Scott shakes his head and thinks about Chiddy's words. Okay, he might have mentioned her in that conversation they had about last week's NHL results, but it was about how she promised to go to a Leafs game with him sometime, or when they laughed about Adam Rippon's new ridiculous haircut, he might have mentioned how Tessa had dyed her hair red back in the late 2000's, or "By the way, do you know Tessa has two brothers?" when Scott was retelling a story his brother had told him over Skype last week.

"You've got it bad, man..." Scott's reverie is interrupted by Patrick. He remains silent though. 

"Just, please, Scott, don't fuck this up. I finally have my best bro living in the same city as me and I don't want that to end. Who else am I going to eat greasy sandwiches with, then?"

 

~

 

Tessa is standing at the boards, blowing her nose pre-practice. Her look is head-to-toe black: black turtle neck, black leggings and black gloves. Classy. Audrey Hepburn in 'Funny Face' vibes.

She turns suddenly when a hand touches her shoulder, assuming Charlie's finally got on the ice. That boy is always late. 

Instead, she's surprised to see Scott's grinning face. 

"Hey." He says.

"Hi." Now she's grinning too.

"You cold? You look cold." Scott says with a crease in his brow which is half for dramatic effect half because he's concerned.

"I guess I've been waiting for Charlie long enough to cool down," she laughs.

He is offering his hand, a mischievous glint in his eyes, "May I have this warm up, my lady?"

Tessa is laughing so hard her sides are shaking but she guesses she does need to warm up and there's no use in standing by the boards any longer. She takes his hand and they begin stroking around.

"Do you know anything about skating with a partner?" She asks.

"No, but I thought you could teach me." The mischievous grin is growing by the second.

She laughs again and shows him how to do a simple crossover exercise in a hold. They figure a hold is too mainstream for his first time skating with a partner, so they settle for holding hands. 

They do a few rounds of crossovers together. The speed they are able to generate together is impressive. They are both disheveled and happy, breathing heavily by the time Scott decides it'd be fun to push her from the back while gaining as much speed as he could. She squeals at first but then she can't stop giggling. When they stop, he catches her waist and turns her into a hug. They are both smiling like idiots at each other until they hear the sound of someone else's blades hitting the ice. Tessa jolts her head to find a frowning Charlie watching them with a dark expression. 

None of the three of them says anything to each other for the rest of the practice. 

Afterwards, Tessa and Charlie are in the kitchenette alone, he's got his whatever-protein-filled sandwich in front of him and Tessa is washing an apple. That's when Charlie bursts.

"What the fuck were you and Moir doing earlier?" His voice is raised.

"Excuse me? We weren't doing anything." 

"You were giggling like a twelve year old who's speaking to a boy for the first time and he looked like a total moron." 

Tessa can feel anger rising in her chest and squeezes the apple in her hand so hard, it almost breaks in half. 

"We're skating like shit and you don't even seem to fucking care! Worlds are three weeks away, Tess. I'm not losing just because you haven't had a boyfriend in God knows how long." 

Tessa is positive this is the angriest she's been in her entire life. Angrier than when her friend Nicole blamed her for buying cigarettes when she'd known nothing about it and had never even tried smoking, angrier than that time a jealous competitor cut a hole in her dress at Nationals, angrier than when she found out the morning of competition at NHK Trophy that Charlie had forgotten his skates at home and asked her to lie about feeling unwell because he was too embarrassed to make the truth public (she didn't agree though, that would have been unsportsmanlike.)

"Or maybe, maybe we're going to lose because you've been acting like a complete ass and harassing me for the past two weeks! Because you've distanced yourself like never before and you won't communicate and won't let me in and won't support me in anything!"

"So you run off to the nearest douchebag who's been hitting on you since he arrived here?"

Now she's not only angry on her behalf. 

"You're such an asshole, Charlie. Such an asshole." She says quietly. She's too tired for fighting. She is so mentally fatigued that she can hardly focus her gaze on her bitter partner.

"At least he listens to me, and talks to me, and helps me feel better. At least he _cares_. He doesn't shoot daggers at me when I fall, but helps me get up and go on. He has been a better partner to me than you have and you're blaming it all on me? That makes you a fucking douchebag yourself." 

It's quiet for a while and it's Charlie who breaks the silence with a "Maybe you're right. I'm sorry. It's just, that... I feel so helpless, you know? I don't feel like I can do this and it scares me to death. It's depriving me of sleep and I've been feeling like shit since I dropped you at Nationals. I am sorry if I've neglected you." His voice is quiet now. "You know you can't get involved with him, though? That would get us kicked out of here," he adds after a pause.

Tessa is looking down silent, but deep down knows Charlie's right. She saw it happen with that American skater who dated her training partner and has now lost half a season's worth of competition because she had to find new coaches. They have such a clear and detailed plan for almost every day between now and the Olympics and giving way to some fresh feelings for Scott could ruin their chances of winning. She knows Charlie is right and it is the most difficult thing to admit, but she does.

"Okay. I have to keep my guard better. But you have to remember that you're not a singles skater anymore too. We can only do this together, right?" 

"Right." Charlie finally makes eye contact and his expression is solemn. She gets up to go but stops at the sound of his voice. "I'm sorry, Tessa. I am genuinely sorry for the things I said. You know I didn't mean any of it." 

She nods and takes his apology, but it will inevitably take some time for the sting to fade away. 

~

She's stretching in the warm up area when she hears his steps. She knows it's him without even looking. There's this mystical intuitive thing between them - the same way he knows when she needs reassurance or a kind word, the way her skin starts to burn at his gaze even when she has her back to him, she can _feel_ his presence. Tessa closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. 

"Hi." Scott whispers near her ear as she's bent down towards her leg. She shivers at his breath so near her skin but quickly recollects herself. Tessa stands up and dusts the rubber off her trousers. 

"I was thinking, maybe you would like to, I don't know, go see a movie again tomorrow? It doesn't have to become like a Saturday tradition or anything, but there's this new..." He's cut off by her.

"Scott." 

"Yeah?" He looks at her quizzically.

"Stop. I think it's better if we don't."

"Really? Because I heard great things about this movie and it comes out tomorrow and..." He can't finish because she cuts him off again. 

"Scott, I can't. We can't. Worlds are so close and this is a bad idea, you know it yourself. We both need to focus. I'm sure neither of us wants to cause drama and get kicked out right now." She takes a deep breath and finishes: "It would be better if we kept our distance." 

She can tell by the look in his eyes that he's hurt and God knows, this is hurting her just as much if not more. She almost wants to lean in and kiss him to soothe the pain and say "to hell with it," but she's worked too hard for too long to give everything up right now. She has to be strong and walk away from him before she gets caught up in his brown eyes, or his heart, with no way out. 

"Goodbye, Scott." She turns around and walks away, trying to keep the tears from escaping her eyelids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to point out that this is entirely a work of fiction and none of this is meant to be a representation of the actual people the characters are based on! 
> 
> Also, let me know what you think about all this!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One could call her agitated if nothing else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took long and I hope it's all right. Feedback would be much appreciated!

Tessa is sitting on the plane, the first of the two flights on her way to Nice. She's listening to Hall and Oates on her iPod, sipping a bottled smoothie she got at the terminal. Charlie is next to her, already asleep. She got the window seat, therefore is taking advantage of the view of Eastern US: she can see buildings and civilisation changing to country paths and meadows and all the state-protected forests and national parks, the green of which is the most dominant part of the view, really.

She is sitting there with an uneasiness in her stomach which is certainly not due to food not agreeing well with her or something like that. She's had this feeling for the past two weeks and a bit, like a rock were dragging the whole of her gut down.

She knows the reason behind it, but can barely acknowledge it to herself. He is sitting one row in front of her and by the aisle. She hasn't spoken to him tete-a-tete since telling him off that day and she thinks it's killing her slowly. He's looked somewhat sad and quiet during that period and she couldn't bear to meet his gaze, so each time they were in the same room her eyes just ended up meticulously examining the floor, which she is sure has not escaped his notice. However, things have been so much better between her and Charlie, and she knows it's because she made that decision. 

Charlie has returned to talking to her and sharing his concerns. She's been able to tell him about her worries again. Their skating has crawled out of the hole it had fallen into, and they are heading to Worlds somewhat confident. Or at least a teeny bit confident, which is an improvement on how they felt three weeks ago. 

It's splitting her in half: she cannot endure having been this abominable towards Scott and his kindness and friendship, but she also could hardly stand feeling like she's crushing all of Charlie's dreams and poisoning the long-standing friendship that she has with him.

She cannot lose her goals from her sight because of a boy after all, she thinks. A really charming, sweet, kind and funny boy for that matter, but she thinks she owns that much to her family and Charlie and herself. Twenty years of missing parties, events and activites at school that could have been so much fun, twenty years of having to tell her friends 'Sorry, I can't, I have skating.' Twenty years of her parents having to drive her to and from the rink at 4 AM or 10 PM, of having to skip family holidays so she could afford to go to skating camps and competitions and get her costumes. 

Still, she'd at least like some clarity with Scott. She wishes they could talk it out and he would understand, but she is afraid to face him now. She feels too much of an asshole and is not ready to pick herself up and go through that inevitably emotional conversation. 

These are the thoughts she is flying to Worlds with, and one could call her agitated if nothing else.

~

They are sitting in the green room, waiting for the last two teams to skate. Tessa and Charlie are currently in second, but not sure about their chances to make the podium at all. Charlie fell on the side-by-sides in the short, which hurt them badly, then she fell during the free and they messed up their triple twist so now they're holding on to that podium spot like one would hold on for dear life.

The Russian B-team are sitting in the kiss and cry, awaiting their scores anxiously, yet probably not as anxious as Tessa and Charlie are. It's bound to be close, and it is. They can let out the breath they'd been holding for the past seven minutes, the Russians lose to the Canadian team by three-tenths of a point.

The Germans are up next, and they had headed into the free with a solid lead. They skate clean, everything going perfectly for them, and take gold. Their joy as they realise they are World champions yet again is overpowering, but Virtue and White secure third, which is a medal, which is within the goal they had set for themselves. They are not as joyous as the pair on top of the world, but they are at least relieved, which probably feels even better, especially given the state their skating was in just a few weeks ago. 

She is full of pride when she sees the Canadian flag being raised, thinking that she was the one (with Charlie, of course, not *just* by herself) who earned that right for their flag to fly up there for a few minutes.

The next day, the members of the Canadian team are all sitting together in the designated area for competitors, watching the men's free skate. 

When Scott gets on the ice, she unconsciously leans forward and doesn't take her eyes off of him the entire warm up. It's the same when he skates, she is holding her breath, admiring his beautiful skating abilities while sweating through her jumper she's rooting for him so much and worried about every possible scenario which might not end well.

Near the end of his program, she notices Charlie watching her. She gets what it means, but refuses to give Scott the cold shoulder now, when they're not even going to be training for the next three weeks. 

She thinks for a moment if she's not being selfish towards Scott, only turning to him when the time is right for her, but she will think through this later. Right now she knows she has done what Charlie had required of her, and they have a world medal, so he can just piss off for a while if he wants to have a problem with her.

She re-focuses on the man out on the ice. He skates brilliantly until this one fall on his triple lutz. It's a hard one to call, but Javier takes first by a margin of two points.

~

 

It's half past two in the morning, and Tessa can't sleep. She tried watching the TV, realising its name coincides with her initials, eating, because, hey, the season's over and she can give in to some chocolate already, tried tossing and turning in bed for an hour before realising how pointless it was. So she decides to take a walk. 

She's sauntering around the port, wrapped up in her thick cardigan, - because even in the French Riviera the nights can get chilly in very early April, - enjoying the silence and calm of the night. She's glad to get away from the buzz of ending a figure skating season: the endless congratulations flooding in on her phone, the interviews, fans approaching (she loves the fans but right now, she just doesn't love the idea of being recognised as a figure skater by those who are still remaining in France. She is just too tired to be a figure skater right now,) and constant socialising with friends she gets to see a couple times a year. She feels a little guilty about these feelings because she is modest and grateful. But the past few months have been such a roller coaster, she just wants to escape and forget for a while.

She stops to gaze at the sea stretching far ahead, until it reaches the coasts of Africa, which she thinks is amazing - she is in Europe but here are these waters, traveling as far as another, exotic continent, so different from the country she is standing in. She wonders if anyone is standing on the other coast of the sea having similar thoughts at this moment. 

She keeps staring, her thoughts wandering about, until she jumps and screams a little from the feeling of a hand on her shoulder. She turns around only to find the first and the last person she would expect to meet under these circumstances.

"Hey," he says, carefully.

"Hello." She's stunned and she's happy and she's embarrassed and she's feeling every emotion under the sun.

"What are you doing walking alone outside at this hour?" He says in a goofy way but they both know he would be genuinely concerned about her.

"Clearing my head, enjoying the last hours in France." A smile is kind of creeping at her lips, she's not sure if she should be smiling, but she can't help it anyway. "You're out pretty late yourself." She raises her eyebrows as an indication that was a question while he studies her face in the faint light of a lamp post.

"Pretty much the same, really. It's been quite a year for me, it's nice to reflect sometimes."

"Yeah... I know. The water helps with that." This remark elicits laughter from him and Tessa can't help but laugh with him.

"You... wanna go for a walk with me?" He says, looking down.

She hesitates for a moment but inevitably gives in.

They walk down the coast, their hands intertwined. They talk about all sorts of things, much like that night in his flat. They end up discussing holiday plans and find out that he'll be spending it with his family, first at home and then go to Cancun for a week or so, while she's planning to roadtrip with her sister to visit their cousin who has a cabin by the Great Lakes. 

After an hour or more, they make their way back to the hotel. They're standing in front of the door to her room and they stare at each other in silence for a moment. Then his eyes crinkle into a soft smile, hand raises to brush her hair away, and he says 'Good night' to her. She responds with a smile equally as warm and squeezes his other hand a little. She watches him walk away with so many feelings she doesn't think she'll sleep tonight, just like her favourites - Elizabeth and Emma and Marianne. 

She changes into a shirt from skating camp back from when she was fourteen and her comfy trousers. She rests her back against the headboard and wonders. She feels this comforting warmth filling her veins, probably resulting from the walk she just took with a certain companion, guilt towards Scott for being so nasty to him these past weeks, but at the same time knows she had to do what she did. She wonders how they can train together for the next two years without making a mess of themselves, this magnetism that is constantly pulling them towards one another. She knows she must do something, but at the same time fears driving him away for ever. She is completely torn between being faithful to her goals, dreams and the sacrifices she and so many other people have made for those dreams to become reality, about Charlie's dreams and sacrifices and what she would do to them, but at the same time she fears losing her one shot at a lifetime of overwhelming happiness, fears losing him forever and missing out on a shot at something that could be the most amazing thing in the entire universe. Then she ridicules herself, because what does she know, he might not even like her like that. Maybe he's been flirting with her like many men who only do it to amuse themselves (think Henry Crawford, Frank Churchill, John Willoughby, you Jane Austen maniac), maybe he was only interested in a fling or maybe he was just being nice because he's a generally nice person and has a girlfriend back in Ilderton or London, without any intention of taking any step beyond friendship with Tessa. But then she thinks about how genuine, how kind, how caring he is, and then, a big realisation hits her. Could she actually be in love with him? Dwelling on moments spent with him, imagining what a future with him might look like, sparing him from any suspicion of insincerity or bad intentions. 

She does not sleep that night.

As a result of that and the emotions of the last few days, she arrives at the airport very, very tired, for her early morning flight. She knows only her family and Charlie with his of the skating people are going to be on with her, which is reassuring. She wouldn't want to pretend to be cheerful or make conversation, and the people closest to her will understand and leave her alone with her thoughts and sleep mask.

That is true. The 5 AM flight on a Tuesday morning in early April doesn't lay claim to be the most popular flight of the year, so she finds herself a whole empty row of seats, gets warm and comfortable in her oversized fleece, puts in her earphones and goes to sleep. Not that she can actually sleep while listening to music, her brain just doesn't shut off then, but she just really feels like listening to something, preferably melancholy, because she is totally not dwelling on her own melancholy state of confusion and so she keeps on thinking. 

She thinks about the roller coaster that this whole week has been and she feels wretched. She's torn between love and guilt, freedom and responsibility. Until the thinking wears her out completely and she decides it's time to stop torturing herself, takes out her earphones, puts on a mask on her eyes to block off the light and drifts into a dreamless sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever, but this chapter has been a real challenge for me! I'm still a bit unsure about it, so let me know what you think!

Scott Moir is lying flat on his back on a Mexican beach. The sun is kissing the exposed parts of his skin and his face is protected by a shirt he'd tossed over it. His brother and his wife are playing with their toddler by the water, his mum is relaxing with a book in a chair not too far to his left.

Scott is supposed to be relaxing, taking in the being-able-to-do-nothing-all-day he gets to experience only once a year, but there is something bugging his mind. It could be the fact that he didn't win Worlds and the margin was so small, which is both frustrating and promising for the future. Had he not fallen on his lutz, he could be world champion. That is what is so frustrating yet comforting, that the gap to Javi has shrunk quite a lot since the beginning of the season. 

A shrinking gap is not enough, however - Scott is cutting his holidays short and returning to Toronto immediately after his one week in Cancun. Most Cricket Club skaters will be away and he'll be able to get some good ice time. 

But then, his mind also keeps drifting somewhere more delicate. He keeps dwelling on that night under the stars in Nice, when all that existed in the world were he and Tessa, her soft laughter, her hand warm in his, her eyes glowing even in the dark. Scott keeps telling himself to forget her, but it's apparently impossible. He constantly thinks about every little detail of her. The way they talked about anything and everything, like they always could, the way her whole face lit up when she smiled at him. 

Scott is a great deal annoyed that he isn't able to enjoy his nothing-at-all-to-do-or-worry-about-for-a-whole-week time _away_ from skating because his mind is stuck thousands of miles away in that damn ice rink.

Finally, his brother's little one needs to nap and Scott feels too dizzy and sweaty to lie in the sun any longer, so he uses that as an excuse to accompany the mother and child back to the hotel. 

Scott bids a see-you-later to his sister-in-law and closes the door of his room. He thinks a nap might do him good as well, so he takes a cold shower and lies down in bed. He twists and turns in bed for about half an hour before realising it's not going to work. So he takes out his iPad, instead. He stares at the menu before deciding to go to YouTube. He realises this might be a huge mistake, but he needs to see his performance from Worlds. He needs to see how he fell, to experience it all again, to analyse it and comprehend how he can be better. 

Somehow, he ends up watching _her._ Tessa and Charlie's free skate from Worlds, he watches her and finds himself smiling. Smiling because that's just one of the many symptoms of the effect she has on him. He smiles when he sees her on the screen because the truth is, he's missed her. It's not been long since he last saw her, but since that night walk he keeps wanting more. Keeps wanting to discover more of her, spending more time with her, hearing her voice or just feeling her presence nearby. Then all of a sudden a realisation hits him: could he actually be in love with Tessa Virtue? 

He ends up not taking the nap he'd intended and dizzy from his discovery. The general sensation though is sadness powering through him, because he remembers everything about the way she rejected him - told him to leave her alone and prioritised skating over him. There's nothing wrong with that, they were just friends and she had made him no promises, hadn't even told him she liked him in any way more than friendly. He should never have hoped in the first place. 

 

~

 

When Scott gets back from Mexico, he heads straight to Toronto and resumes his training immediately. One day, he and the rest of the skaters who are 'vacationing' at the rink are having lunch together. There are a few Canadian pair skater girls, one of them a bronze medalist at last year's nationals, the other just outside the top 5. Scott has never liked them, because during the time he's been training at the Cricket Club with them, he's managed to spot how jealous of Tessa they were. She's never allowed it to get to her head, and he feels so proud of her, so proud for being tough and rational. 

There are also a few other skaters here: a young Russian guy who has come here to spend a few weeks with Brian while the rink isn't so busy as usual, an Italian who's here for the same reason, and a local (Canadian) who trains here permanently and wanted to get a jump start on the new season, much like Scott. 

Scott feels a bit out of place here, neither of these people he likes, and he's just silently swallowing his sandwich, tempted to go eat alone elsewhere, or phone Chiddy, but doesn't want to make himself an outcast or appear rude, so he stays there through gritted teeth. 

The main topic of conversation is skating gossip - who's dating whom, who's faking an injury, who's actually injured but hiding it, who's changing coaches and so on.

Gradually the talk turns to Worlds - the most recent, spicy gathering of skating people. There are rumours about how person A made out with person B while drunk, person C heard person D argue with their coach, person E was shamefully overscored, and everyone knows it. Then the Russian asks the inevitable question with a smirk that makes Scott want to actually ask these people how many days it's been since their 12th birthday, "Has anyone spent the night out of their own hotel room?" 

One of the pair girls also smirks, and says, "I heard Tessa Virtue left her room past midnight and didn't return for a while." 

The reaction to this remark is a wave of _'oooh's_ and Scott clenches his fist. 

"I betcha I know who she was with..." The Russian smirks again. "Have you seen the way she was looking at her partner after the long? I think..." He cannot finish telling everyone what he thinks, because Scott's fist flies at his face, prompting a current of blood in its wake. 

Then still full of adrenaline and angry, Scott storms out of the room. He kicks a dust bin on his way out the rink and sits down on the pavement outside. His heart is racing and he knows he shouldn't have punched the guy, but somehow, he doesn't regret it. He would do it all over again. What a moron.

A few minutes later, the Italian guy, Paolo, comes out and cautiously sits down next to Scott. 

"That dickhead had it coming, you know. He deserves it. Been talking similar things about almost every girl as long as he's been here." 

"Thanks," Scott looks at him, grateful. This guy hasn't really spoken much at all as long as he's been here. For a moment Scott feels a bit guilty for writing him off as the same as the others. They exchange friendly smiles and Scott says, "I guess I better go home now."

"That's probably a good idea for now."

 

~

 

When Scott arrives at the Cricket Club the next day, he's met with a few pairs of judging, unfriendly eyes and one kind face he finds in Paolo.

Practice goes... fine, except for the obvious tension on the ice, which the two Canadian pairs induce by glaring at Scott from across the ice or accidentally-on-purpose having really near-misses with him.

When he gets off the ice after his final session of the day, Scott is approached by Brian.

Brian tells Scott that 'they have to talk'. He tells him that the higher powers at the Cricket Club want him out. He's crossed a line, broken a rule. If it were up to Brian, he could stay, but nobody wants to set a precedent (because the only way to keep 50 odd figure skaters who have not gone to high school, are never allowed to party or drink and have no time to date anyone outside of the sport is to have a bunch strict rules imposed, in the eyes of those people at the CC, anyway.)

 

~

 

Patrick sighs and starts chewing on his bottom lip. His feet are up on Scott's coffee table and they're both sitting in his living room looking forlorn, deep in thought. 

"I'm really hurt about this, man," says Chiddy. 

"I know, I know. Don't think I'm happy about it either." 

Patrick sighs again and after a few moments, says, "Where are you gonna go now though?"

Scott is looking at the pile of magazines sitting on the same table his friend's feet are resting on. Honestly, he has no idea. "I guess I should call everyone I know in skating and beg to help me out."

Patrick frowns. "Let's go get some dinner and then properly wasted. This beer's not doing anything."

Now it's Scott's turn to frown, but he gets up and puts his jacket on nevertheless.

They have burritos for dinner at that new Mexican place in downtown Toronto, and even though Scott isn't keen on the idea, go to a bar. They have a few beers and then move on to stronger drinks, have a few shots of vodka. They leave the place pretty liquored up and find a karaoke bar. Their sober selves would be outraged by the idea, but they feel kind of like sharing their talent for singing with the rest of the world right now. 

Patrick nails (or thinks he does) a solo performance of Sweet Emotion and Scott goes for Whole Lotta Love. Luckily, the place is almost empty, and the show greatly amuses the few people that are there, so they get away with it. One song for each is enough to tire them out so that they need to sit down for a moment before going for round 2. 

Scott is staring at his drink, another light beer, and begins musing to Chiddy, words coming out of his mouth in a mush: "D'ya think I'll still be seeing Tessa when I move?" 

Patrick pats his friend's arm sloppily and blurts out, "You thinking 'bout her even now?"

"Nooo," Scott gasps and looks scandalised, "I'm just askin'."

Patrick sighs and doesn't find anything wrong with his friend's answer. He furrows his brow in contemplation, "You will if she comes n visits you."

Scott groans, "Dude, that's not gonna happen."

Patrick tries to bring his eyes into focus while looking into Scott's and asks, much more frank than he or anyone, really, would be without the impressive amount of alcohol in him, "You love Tess?"

Scott leans back in his chair, his eyes wide, "Noooo..." he says a bit too quickly, then adds after a moment of dumbly looking ahead of himself, "Maybe a little."

"Oh my God! Dude, you gotta tell her!" Chiddy says a bit too enthusiastically. A drunk Patrick is way more dramatic than a sober one. People sitting at the other end of the room look up at him. He gestures an apology and starts whispering (ends up whisper-shouting), "You can't move away and keep this to yourself!"

Scott appears to be thinking intensely, again, then says, "What if she won't love me back?" 

Patrick agrees this would be a problem. But then he also decides that taking a shot is better than having to live with regrets and what-ifs. "Let's make pact," he says, "You tell before you leave." He extends his hand for the other drunk man to shake, Scott cocks his head to the side, and even though hesitantly at first, shakes.

 

~

 

The next morning Scott comes in to the kitchen, his head throbbing, his throat feeling like Sahara, and finds a bright yellow sticky note on his fridge, 'Confess Tessa' written in large, sloppy letters, Patrick's handwriting by the looks of it. Blurry visions of last night start flooding in, and he doesn't remember much, but it's enough to make him grasp the meaning of the note. He frowns when he remembers he made a promise to Chiddy, and then sits down by the table, a large glass of water in his hands. He takes a large sip and starts thinking. He does love Tessa. And it is slowly killing him. He won't be seeing her much soon anyway, so that would spare him some of the embarrassement. He winces when a vivid image appears in his brain: it's Tessa, he tells her about all the things she makes him feel, wraps her up in all the endearments he can think of, confesses all the things he's been keeping locked deep within his heart, then reaches out a hand to touch her, but she just frowns and says 'Sorry, Scott...' 

For sure, that is a possibility, he thinks, but then he remembers the pining feeling he's been carrying around for months now, only able to name it more recently. He remembers how much lighter his heart felt when he told Chiddy. Well, rather, feels it now, because memories from last night are foggy at best. He realises Patrick was right, he needs to get this off his chest before he moves to God knows where and maybe never gets to see her again, even if he doesn't expect the feelings to be mutual, this is the right thing to do.

He'll keep the note on his fridge for now.


	6. Chapter 6

The next few days are spent frantically calling and e-mailing everyone Scott knows in figure skating. He is desperate for a good new coaching situation as soon as possible. Patrick also uses his ice dancing contacts to try and help his friend out, even though he keeps whining about Scott leaving him again and, _why did you have to ruin it when we were having so much fun?_

Then, one day, he gets an offer to come to Detroit. Canton, actually. Alex Shibutani announces that Marina Zoueva would be more than happy to take Scott Moir on. 

At first, he is obviously thinking no. "She coaches _ice dancers_ , Chiddy."

"I think that's your best option. It's not like she'll be the one supervising your jumps, do you even _know_ how many coaches they have there? But the facilities are like, really good. Meryl Davis has told me a lot about the place and I think you're getting a pretty good deal. Also, do you remember she used to actually coach pairs?"

Scott frowns, still hesitant.

"Dude, what other options do you have?" 

And Patrick is probably right. No other options. 

 

~

 

After a few more days of fruitless searches of top coaching, Scott gives in. Maybe Canton won't be so bad, after all.

He contacts Marina and she tells him in broken English that he can come as soon as he wants, and they'll be waiting eagerly. 

Scott informs his family of what's happened and they're less than pleased. His mother gives him a lecture on why it's not right to punch people and tears up saying he's leaving her again, his father shows disapproval, but Scott knows that he would understand if he knew his reasons, and his brothers tease him about it. 

Then Scott calls up Skate Canada and they're also less than pleased, but promise to support him through the move.

While living arrangements, visas, endless conversations with Skate Canada are ongoing, Scott stays in Toronto. He probably doesn't need to, but there is a note in his kitchen and he has vowed not to leave without seeing Tessa. Who's still on holiday. So he spends his free time either hanging out with Patrick, or thinking about ways of telling her. Often, he does both simultaneously.

 

~

 

It's Thursday evening and she just got home from the trip with her sister. Tessa is sitting at her kitchen table with a cup of herbal tea in her hand, looking for costume inspiration for next season online, when her doorbell rings. She doesn't think much of it and goes to open the door. She's completely startled when she finds Scott looking at her so earnestly, so openly, that it throws her off for a second. She was certainly not expecting an emotional encounter tonight and for a couple more days at least, so she isn't exactly prepared. 

"Can I come in?" He asks, his gaze solemn.

Suddenly, Tessa's incredibly aware of her comfy home look and instinctively, her hand travels up to fix her hair. She's in her trackies and an old t-shirt, her hair messy, making her self-conscious in front of him, but what she doesn't realise is that she looks so beautiful to him. She's even more gorgeous than in his memory, her eyes so green and large, her skin soft and aglow.

She lets him in and offers a cup of tea. He accepts and as she's making it, Scott finds himself incredibly nervous. He knows what he has to do and his reasons for doing it. (He can't live with it anymore.) But facing her now is so scary and he is too afraid to either hurt her or get hurt himself. So he just sits there in silence for a few minutes as she's telling him about her holidays that he's inquired about earlier. 

Tessa tells him about how great it was to spend some quality time with her sister, how much fun they had with their cousin, how beautiful the nature was. It's fine while she has her back to him, but once she turns around and sees his face, her voice fades subtly and a crease in between her eyebrows appears. She realises he hasn't even noticed that she's gone silent and that really makes her feel worried, although she could probably get offended at his not listening to her like that. 

Tessa gingerly reaches out and touches one of his hands which has been resting on the table. He almost jumps at the contact.

"What's wrong?" She asks, her voice soft as a feather.

Scott takes a deep breath and finally meets her eyes. "Could you tell me some more about your time since Worlds? I promise I'll tell you what's up in five minutes, maybe when the tea is ready? And I'm really sorry I got distracted there." A hint of a smile appears on his face which calms her slightly. Tessa begins carefully, telling him about how she liked having a break and at his request, retelling some of what she had said before. Then the tea is ready and Tessa, still puzzled at what the reason behind his visit could be, asks if maybe moving to the couch would be more comfortable. 

They sit down and silence ensues. One could call it awkward given the context of the situation, but nothing between the two of them is ever awkward (except for the guilt Tessa feels towards him, but their two souls blend together so well that it's like they are one and they never need to utter meaningless sentences just to feel comfortable.)

Scott sighs and makes a mental resolution. He's come too far to back away now.

"Here's the thing, Tessa, I... I've done a lot of thinking. I need you to listen me out and then you can do whatever you want, I just can't hold this in anymore."

Tessa nods, a serious expression on her face.

"I guess you've heard already about what happened, that I won't be training at Cricket Club much longer."

"I have. What are you going to do?"

"Well, Chiddy helped me out and I'll be moving to Detroit now. I'll train with Marina Zoueva there."

"Wow. I know she has coached pairs in the past, but isn't she like, a full on dance coach now?"

"Yeah, well. That's exactly what I thought initially, but I've been told she has a lot of knowledge, but there are also like ten other coaches at her rink. Either way, it's my only option right now." He's looking down at this point.

Then Tessa asks slowly, carefully, "But... that's not why you came here?"

Scott swallows, and forces himself to look up and into the green of her eyes. "No." He licks his lips and sets the mug down on the coffee table. "As I said, I've been doing a lot of thinking. And I realised that I have to tell you something, especially now that I won't be seeing you every day, and I know I might regret this, but I also know that I'll regret it even more if I keep it in. And I know this is selfish of me, and love isn't supposed to be selfish, and I'm sorry for doing this to you, but here's the thing: I don't want to put any pressure on you, and if the outcome of this is what I am expecting, you don't have to feel guilty or anything. You are certainly not at fault here and I want you to know that I could never resent you or keep anything against you."

He's blabbering at this point and Tessa's not quite sure what he's trying to say, but one word catches her attention and she's not sure she heard the rest of that speech.

"Love?" She asks so softly, he wouldn't have heard it had he not been looking at her lips.

This draws Scott out of his rant and he realises this is definitely not the way he was meaning to do it. So he just looks deep into her eyes and goes on:

"I have been thinking and mainly sorting out my priorities in life. There was family and skating, skating came up pretty high on that list. And I realised that I really really want that gold medal, that until Sochi, it's pretty damn important to me. But then, I realised that something was even higher than that, I realised it when I couldn't stop thinking about you and I couldn't sleep because I kept dreaming about you and I felt that skating was nothing compared to what you meant to me. And I just realised that if I can't have you, I at least need to tell you that I love you, I am so in love with you, and it would lift a stone off my heart if I could just let you know."

Tessa is silent, looking out the window for quite some time, and Scott thinks he could leave without her even noticing because much as he's been preparing for rejection, the prospect of having to endure it is unwelcome. 

"Tessa? Maybe... maybe I should leave now?" He asks sheepishly. Then he is gobsmacked when her one hand stops him from getting up and the other gets tangled in his hair before her lips meet his.

Their first kiss is hungry, eager, all-encompassing. Months and months of unexpressed feelings released in one simple act of affection. He cups her face, strokes her cheek, then moves his hand lower down to rest on her waist. She has one hand at the back of his neck, running her fingers through his hair. Their other hands stay intertwined for a while, just the way she caught him when he was trying to leave. After a while, they both need to breathe and Scott's heart is pounding against his ribcage so hard, he thinks it might explode any moment. They pull back and gaze into each other's eyes, and that's when one lonely tear runs down Tessa's cheek. It's followed by another, and another. Scott's brow creases and he reaches out to wipe them away. His hand is warm and soft against her cheek and all she wants to keep doing for the rest of her life is lean into his touch. 

"What's wrong, baby?" He asks gently.

Tessa shakes her head, tears still running down her cheeks and a beaming smile directed towards him. "I love you too." She says, simply.

Now Scott feels that his heart could well leave his chest and go up into the exosphere.

They spend the next hour or so embracing each other and the revelations of tonight, dozens of silent declarations of love repeated over and over, dozens of kisses exchanged, to each other's mouth, jaw, tip of the nose, forehead, eyelids, cheeks. 

Later, they're still where they were when Scott finally took the crucial step, wrapped around each other, looking out the French windows into the skyline of evening Toronto. 

"How long have you known?" He asks her. 

"I knew that night in Nice. Although it's probably been much longer than that." She says, intertwining his fingers with hers on her stomach, then lifting his hand up to her lips for a lingering kiss.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh this took me so long but please let me know what you think! :)

After their recent discoveries about each other, Tessa and Scott can finally be free with each other. The result of which is that while Scott is still staying in Toronto, he spends the entirety of that time with Tessa (sans lunch with his parents one afternoon).

They go out to eat - and try about every cuisine there is in the world. One day they have a lunch they can barely eat through their giggles, caused by the funny dog they saw earlier that day and decided they had to adopt, or maybe actually nothing in particular, at this Korean place; the next day they have the most romantic dinner date enjoying Italian food downtown; the one after that they eat takeout sushi cuddled up on Scott's couch and discussing whether the Godfather's sequel was really not as good as the first film.

They go to cinema and buy tickets at the back of the theatre, so they can (not-so) subtly make out if the film's no good. If the film is somewhat interesting, they snuggle up as much as the seats allow it and Scott occasionally nuzzles Tessa's face or neck, causing a bunch of giggles to erupt from deep within her chest.

They walk around the city - go to parks, where they throw pebbles in the pond, quietly sit on benches observing strangers or walk around eating gelato; they go to museums, where Scott surprises Tessa with his knowledge of Classical art ("My mom used to make me attend art history classes in middle school"); he watches Tessa shop at boutiques, admiring the joy a nice dress or scarf can put on her face and then they get some more ice cream and walk more, always hand in hand.

Sometimes they stay in and watch poor quality television, arguing on whether to watch silly reality shows or cheesy rom-coms; Scott watches Tessa as she reads her book and pretends to be reading the paper when she lifts her head to look at him, nevertheless, her heart still flutters every time she notices his eyes fixed on her. His bashfulness is actually adorable. He 'helps' her look for inspiration for her skating costumes, however isn't all that helpful when he says that 'she'd look stunning in anything'.

And they make love. Gently, sensually, often. At first, it's overwhelming for the both of them, but once they get used to this new intimacy, it overwhelms them both in only the best ways. Everything is just more intense, more meaningful for the both of them together.

Then comes the time for Tessa to resume her training, therefore, given he is a kind of persona non grata at the rink, Scott drops her off in the car park with a peck to her cheek every morning and patiently waits for her outside the rink when her practice is finished.

If she's not too tired, they go do something romantic that Scott has planned, but if she is, they order takeout and have a cosy night in completely engrossed in each other.

They act and feel like children, like teenagers who have fallen in love for the first time, unable to get enough of one another.

Meanwhile, the matters of Scott moving away still need to be taken care of, and much as they try to ignore the rest of the world, it catches up to them. One evening, Tessa breaks down crying after helping Scott look at possible flat options on his laptop, and he spends the rest of the night stroking her hair and whispering sweet nothings in her ear. This whole business is like doom looming over them, and they both realise that, it's just that neither wants to acknowledge it.

Then one day, they go out to downtown Toronto to dine. They are both trying to ignore the massive elephant in the room - Scott is leaving for Detroit tomorrow. Dinner goes smoothly enough, they eat, and laugh, and talk about their families, the news, the weather - anything but skating. As they're leaving the restaurant, Scott thinks about ignoring what's looming because he doesn't want to ruin the night for the beautiful girl whose hand is warm in his. However Tessa is the one to break the ice. She looks up at him, her green eyes large and soft, as she asks: "Will you come visit me?" and the hopelessness in her voice breaks Scott's heart into tiny fragile flakes.

He stops in the middle of the pavement and takes Tessa's other hand. He looks her in the eyes and says, "Of course I will." His eyes look almost liquid and Tessa knows he means it. She's just not sure if it's going to be possible to fulfill his promise no matter how much he wants to.

Scott feels her unsureness and draws her as close to him as possible. "You have to believe me, Tess," he whispers, nose buried in her hair, "I love you," his voice goes husky and quiet, "I never want to live without you."

Tessa swallows, trying to fight back the tears, then says, "I'll miss you," and her voice sounds like it's coming from below the ground.

"I know. Me too. So much. But I promise to try my hardest to see you as often as possible," replies Scott and kisses the tip of her nose. "Let's go home and have some ice cream and watch a re-run of some stupid show, eh?"

Tessa gives him a watery smile and nods. Scott puts his arm around her waist and they stroll down the street and towards her flat.

 

~

 

Their last night together for, well, Scott doesn't know when his first break under the new schedule will be, is spent wrapped up together on Tessa's sofa, watching some reality TV series, mostly in silence. Scott thinks he would not notice how sad Tessa is, and think this is just another ordinary night, if she weren't clutching his sleeve like her like depended on it. He cannot concentrate on the telly at all, the feelings of guilt and anxiety seeping through him constantly. He hates to be doing this to her, and it kills him to see how much she's suffering - as much as it kills him to know it's going to be a while before he can embrace her like this again.

 

~

 

The next morning, it's still dark outside and they lie in bed, wordless promises not to forget each other and try to endure separation as best they can whispered against each other's skin.

Scott makes omelette - treating Tessa for the last time for a while, because she isn't the most gifted girl when it comes to cooking - while Tessa makes coffee - it's a routine they've developed over the last three and a half weeks, no matter whose place they'd be staying at.

Scott drives Tessa to the rink and gets out to take a last look at the Cricket Club before leaving. He stares at it, remembering a morning several months ago when he was standing in the same spot, looking at the same place, but with such different thoughts and hopes for the future, feeling so much more certain than he is right now.

Tessa walks around the car and over to him, and wraps her arms around his waist in a sort of a side-hug. She leans her cheek on Scott's shoulder and breathes him in. He responds by drawing her closer, and they stand like that for a while.

Then at some point Scott's phone buzzes, and draws them both out of their little trance. This amazing little world of theirs that they have created over the past two weeks is about to fall apart completely, the vibration of Scott's iPhone bursting the bubble they'd been living in.

It's Alex Shibutani, asking what time he should expect him at the rink, since they've agreed he could show Scott around when he arrived.

Scott types a quick reply and turns to Tessa. "I'll miss you so much, you know that?" he says and kisses her temple.

"Me too," Tessa replies and hides her face in Scott's neck. Savours his smell and vows to remember it every time she's having a bad practice or feeling down about something, because he has this calming effect on her, makes her feel like everything in this world is going to be all right in the end.

They kiss, once isn't enough, so they kiss again, and then Charlie arrives in his Toyota and Tessa really has to go.

It's obvious that Charlie gets confused for a second, seeing his partner sharing unusual for her amounts of affection in public, and with Scott at that. He knows Scott is leaving for good, and, after all, they _were_ friends for a while, so Charlie decides the right thing to do is to come up to him and bid goodbye.

Scott is pleasantly surprised at this, and shakes Charlie's hand with a very genuine smile, the same kind as the one plastered on Charlie's face. They part as friends, and even if neither had thoroughly considered it, that's a relief to both of them.

Charlie turns towards the rink and Tessa knows she has no option but to go. She looks at Scott, _really_ looks into his eyes, which she finds soft and dark at the same time, looking down at her, and tries to remember every detail, not only wants, but _needs_ to engrave the sight in her memory for as long as possible. She tries not to think about when the next time she sees him will be.

He kisses her one last time, soft and slow but at the same time somewhat needy and wistful, and says, "Take care of yourself."

Tessa tries to fight back the tears threatening to break out any moment, and replies, "You too." She looks down for a second, swallows hard, then looks back up at him and adds, "I'll miss you."

He nods, and the forlorn look he has on his face almost overwhelms her, "Me too. Now go kick some ass in training," and pumps his fist in the air in an attempt to lighten the mood. It doesn't really work, yet she smiles, and her smile makes him wonder whether it would really be so bad to just retire now and end this whole nonsense that is moving away anyway. But he knows his mind has to win over his heart in this, and that she wouldn't let him give up his dream for her, even if he feels like he would, without even blinking once.

Tessa squeezes his arm and says, "Drive safe and call me when you get there. I love you."

And they part.


End file.
